Helping Your Child Overcome Separation Anxiety
One of the hardest transitions to make with your child is when they are reaching the age when you must drop them off and they just don’t want to leave your side. They are used to seeing their mom or dad everyday and they hate to be separated to stay with someone they are not familiar with. Your child’s separation anxiety can be difficult to deal with - but it is something that you have to work on.
The reason children have such trouble is because they do not understand that sometimes when you say goodbye it is only for a short while and not forever. You will find that many children who suffer from this anxiety will be those who have not had much social interactions outside of the family.
Children cry when someone leaves because they may not realize that person is actually coming back. Perhaps instead of saying goodbye, you should explain what it is you need to go do, and say, “I’ll be back in a little while,” or “see you soon”. The more a parent leaves a child, the more the child will realize that mom or dad will be back.
Give your child advance notice, but don’t continue to talk about it. Don’t wait until the babysitter is standing at the door to say, “I have to run out for a while, Susan is going to watch you.” Let him or her know ahead of time you will be leaving that day and that the babysitter will be there. Don’t keep reminding your child either. This may only make him or her more nervous, and it may make you appear nervous, too. Children easily pick up on your feelings, and if mom or dad is nervous, your child will pick that up and become even more anxious about your departure.
Make your goodbye short and not drawn out. It doesn’t have to be a quick kiss on the forehead and then a mad dash to the car, but don’t linger around with your son or daughter stalling your leave. Give your child a kiss and a hug and let them know when you will be back. Remember that usually minutes after you leave, the tantrums stop. The “show” is for you, once you are gone, the “performance” will end.
If you know you are going to be gone for a while, you may want to start a project with your child, and tell him or her, he or she may work on it while you are gone and that you will help finish it up when you get home. This helps to emphasize that you will be back.
To help your child feel comfortable while you are away, always make sure you have something for them to do. Have movies, games, crayons, paper, coloring books, and other items on hand to keep them busy while you are away. It is also important to leave your child with someone he or she knows. This makes them feel much safer.